Me.

"Stronger Than Ever"

by Christina Aguilera

What you gave me I know you gave me
You remind me all the time
And how you hurt me and you don't see it
Again I am the child

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

I'm tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail
And in order to please you I've abandoned myself
And though it used to hurt me when you push me away
I'm stronger than ever, you made me this way

Mmmh..How I wish you, you suffered less too
It tears us both apart
And it's not pretty the way you criticize me
And how it breaks my heart

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

I'm tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail
And in order to please you I've abandoned myself
And though it used to hurt me when you push me away
I'm stronger than ever, you made me this way

How I wish you knew, how much I need you
I feel like running but I can't abandon you
You avoid my gaze, withdraw from me these days
You punish me for trying to be all that you wanted
What more can I do?

I'm tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail
And in order to please you I've abandoned myself
And though it used to hurt me when you push me away
I'm stronger than ever, you made me this way

I'm tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail
And in order to please you I've abandoned myself
And though it used to hurt me when you push me away

I'm stronger than ever, you made me this way.

This is me.

Publish Post

Marriage

"The Art Of Marriage"
by Wilferd A. Peterson (longer version)
Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.
A good marriage must be created.

In the art of marriage the little things are the big things... It is never being too old to hold hands.

It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.

It is never going to sleep angry.

It is at no time taking the other for granted;
the courtship should not end with the honeymoon,
it should continue through all the years.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.

It is standing together facing the world.

It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.

It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude
of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.

It is speaking words of appreciation
and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not looking for perfection in each other.

It is cultivating flexibility, patience,
understanding and a sense of humour.

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.

It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

It is finding room for the things of the spirit.

It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.

It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal,
dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.

It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner. It is discovering what marriage can be, at its best. - by Wilferd Arlan Peterson

Runaway

"Runaway"

I've got my things packed

My favorite pillow
Got my sleeping bag
Climb out the window
All the pictures and pain
I left behind
All the freedom and fame
I've gotta find
And I wonder
How long it'll take them to notice that I'm gone
And I wonder
How far it'll take me

To run away
Life don't make any sense to me
Run away
This life makes no sense to me
Run away
Life don't make any sense to me
Run away
Life don't make any sense to me

I was just trying to be myself
You go your way I'll meet you in hell
It's all these secrets that I shouldn't tell I've got to run away
It's hypocritical of you
Do as you say not as you do
I'll never be your perfect girl
I've got to run away

I'm too young to be
Taken seriously
But I'm too old to believe
All this hypocrisy
And I wonder
How long it'll take them to see my bed is made
And I wonder
If I was a mistake

I might have nowhere left to go
But I know that I cannot go home
These words are strapped inside my head
Tell me to run before I'm dead
Chase the rainbows in my mind
And I will try to stay alive
Maybe the world will know one day
Why won't you help me run away

Life don't make any sense to me
Run away
This life makes no sense to me
Run away

I could sing for change
On a Paris street
Be a red light dancer
In New Orleans
I could start again
Choose a family
I could change my name
Come and go as I please
In the dead of night
You'll wonder where I've gone
Wasn't it you
Wasn't it you
Wasn't it you that made me run away

I was just trying to be myself
You go your way I'll meet you in hell
All these secrets that I shouldn't tell I've got to run away
It's hypocritical of you
Do as you say not as you do
Never be your perfect girl
I've got to run away

Life don't make any sense to me
Run away
This life makes no sense to me
Run away
Life don't make any sense to me
Run away
Life don't make any sense to me

This life makes no sense to me
It don't make no sense to me
It don't make any sense to me
Life don't make any sense to me

* I love PINK

It is what it is.

Being Human,

I am entitled to the following rights~
I have the right to make many (sometimes huge) mistakes~
I have the right to learn from my mistakes and then move on with my life~
I have the right to forgive myself~
I have the right to laugh until it hurts and cry until it stops hurting~
I have the right to live my life as I choose~
I have the right to happiness~
I have the right to my own beliefs~
I have the right to true friends and true love~
I have the right to be loved by others~
I have the right to be loved by me~
~Author Unknown~

Hands what a FABULOUS perspective

I received this in a forwarded email and it really made me think a couple of months ago. I've always been very self cautious about my hands, I've always hated them and have always wore acrylic nails because I hate the way my hands & fingers look. After seeing this photo and reading the story, I began to take another look at my hands. Maybe they aren't so bad considering the things they done. The hands in the photo are not mine or my families, nor do I know who it is, this was just another forwarded email.

GRAMA'S HANDS

I was privileged to take a photo of' Five Generations of Women' shortly before my 93 year-old Grandmother passed away last year. The photo, shown below, features the hands of my Grandmother, Mom, Sister, Niece and Great-Niece. While I can't take credit for the idea, I was so happy to have had the suggestion & capture this moment. It inspired a friend of mine to do something similar, which turned out so beautiful it became a special keepsake, prior to her father's passing.

Grandma' s Hands

GRANDMA'S HANDS A must read thru it to the end please!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. She didn't move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands.

When I sat down beside her she didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if she was OK

Finally, not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to check on her at the same time, I asked her if she was OK. She raised her head and looked at me and smiled. 'Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking,' she said in a clear voice strong.

I didn't mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK,' I explained to her.

'Have you ever looked at your hands,' she asked... 'I mean really looked at your hands?'

I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making.

Grandma smiled and related this story:

'Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life.

'They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor.

They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child, my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots. They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off to war.

'They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent. They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special.

They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse.

'They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand.

They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. And to this day when not much of anything else of me works real well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer.

'These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of life.

But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ.'

I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God reached out and took my grandma's hands and led her home.

When my hands are hurt or sore or when I stroke the face of my children and husband I think of grandma. I know she has been stroked and caressed and held by the hands of God.

I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel His hands upon my face.

___________________________________________________________

http://clk.atdmt.com/GBL/go/210850553/direct/01/

Frustration with myself.

So the past few days have been a nightmare when it comes to eating, I have eaten everything, it's so bad I can't even bring myself to write to down. I've eaten cookies, wings, Chinese. I'm so disappointed in myself. I just want to cry, but that won't fix anything. So Today I'm starting over. My new rules.... I must up be 7:30, I must eat breakfast, & no eating late, or in the mall. I have to STOP eating when I'm at work. I Hate the Mall.... it's the DEVIL!

Sunday...

Well I still hate the weekends when it comes to food. Yesterday, I ended up eating fried pickles, & boneless wings, for dinner I had some of charlies stir~fry & 2 choc chip cookies.On the up side I did get my car washed & I made it to the park and got in 4 laps around the pond before it got dark.

I hate the weekends when it comes to food!

I started out ok today with my green tea, and my fiber bar, then I went to work and took with me weight watchers frozen dinner bc it's better than mall at least calorie wise. Well it was nasty so I threw in file 13 & headed down the hall to the food court. Steak escape was calling my name, but I only ate 1/2 my sandwich & 1/2 the fries which were a small, along with my diet green tea to go with it. Then I got home and headed directly out the door to Jakob's Boy Scout dinner, where I ate a small salad & 1 decent size cookie. After that we headed down to Chili Willis' to hear my dad play! Needless to say I had 1 margarita & 1/2 a small Cadillac nachos. Believe me it could have been a 1000 times worse. So I'll have to say tomorrow I'm going to eat perfect & get in a few miles at the gym. I haven't been in a week for snow & sick kids. I'm getting back on track this week. I've splurged the past few days & it's gotta stop now. BUT for the record I have not had Starbucks in 5 days!!! That's good for me!!! ;) Overall day... horrible food( health wise), yummy greasy food, my mood was great bc I was eating all the things I'm not supposed to.!

Thursday 2/18/10 Food Diary

3/4 cup golden grahams calories 160 WWpts. 3
green tea calories 0 WWpts 0
turkey Lean Cuisine calories 290 WWpts 6
Fiber bar calories 150 WWpts. 3
Juice 1 cup calories 40 WWpts. 1
Bar calories 100 WWpts. 2
1 piece Chicken calories 220 WWpts. 5
2/3 cup peas (steamed) calories 70 WWpts. 1
M&M's calories 250 WWpts. 6
3 Waters

Total 1280 27

Wow VERY BAD DAY!! I normally try to stay under 1000 calories & 20 points. Those M&M's were a total splurge. I should have skipped them and the extra granola bar.

I'll do better tomorrow...

" I believe in MANICURES. I believe in PRIMPING at leisure and wearing LIPSTICK.
I believe in PINK. I believe LAUGHING is the best calorie burner.
I believe in KISSING, Kissing a lot.
I believe in being STRONG when everything seems to be going wrong.
I believe happy GIRLS are the prettiest girls.
I believe TOMORROW is another day and I believe in MIRACLES. "
~ Audrey Hepburn

My Journey with... Eating, Will Power. Boredom.

So, I want to say since January 1, 2010 I have been trying & battling my weight, but in reality I've been battling my weight issues since 2002. I've never been fat or really overweight at all. Since Ben & I have been together I have gotten comfortable. 30 lbs comfortable & I've been disgusted with myself the entire way. I've been underweight most of my life. Always the skinny one. At one point my stepsister even told everyone I was anorexic, which for the record I've NEVER been. I've always over eaten. I've found that I eat for a variety of reasons. I'm very much an emotional eater. You name it HAPPINESS, SADNESS, BOREDMON, STRESSED.... I eat & sometimes I eat because I'm actually hungry. Sometimes I eat because it's just there, in front of my face. It's something that makes me happy for the moment & then 20 minutes later I feel like GROSS & GUILTY, so instead of stopping eating & doing something more productive, what do I do ? I got eat more. It's a non ending circle in my world. LOL

So what I've decided to do is write everything I eat down & online. Since Jan 1, I've lost 10 solid pounds. I started out at ....5 foot 5 inches & 150 lbs. as of this morning I was at 136 lbs. NAKED.
My weight loss goal is 125 lbs. I figure if I'm writing it down for the world to see I might stay motivated.


The past 2 weeks I've not been so great with my eating. I've slacked by not eating as healthy as I had been, so today I'm getting back on track. My next goal for myself is to be 130 lbs by March 31. That's basically a month from now. I'm not trying to lose the weight fast, NO DIET PILLS, but with healthy foods and exercise. I tried Weight watchers a few years ago with my mom & I lost about 15 lbs total, about 6 weeks into us doing that, my brother & his wife(then gf) had a horrible car accident. Needless to say my mom & I stayed at the hospital a lot, & I fell off the diet & stopped going to meetings. Why??? Because I am an emotional eater. Enough said.
I put the 15 lbs back on and have stayed steady at 150lbs. Well not anymore.

I'm going to document everything I eat, the reasons, the emotions & what I have do for exercise at the end of the day before I go to bed.
Hopefully with my friends & family reading & following it will help me to stay motivated. :)