Frustration with myself.

So the past few days have been a nightmare when it comes to eating, I have eaten everything, it's so bad I can't even bring myself to write to down. I've eaten cookies, wings, Chinese. I'm so disappointed in myself. I just want to cry, but that won't fix anything. So Today I'm starting over. My new rules.... I must up be 7:30, I must eat breakfast, & no eating late, or in the mall. I have to STOP eating when I'm at work. I Hate the Mall.... it's the DEVIL!

Sunday...

Well I still hate the weekends when it comes to food. Yesterday, I ended up eating fried pickles, & boneless wings, for dinner I had some of charlies stir~fry & 2 choc chip cookies.On the up side I did get my car washed & I made it to the park and got in 4 laps around the pond before it got dark.

I hate the weekends when it comes to food!

I started out ok today with my green tea, and my fiber bar, then I went to work and took with me weight watchers frozen dinner bc it's better than mall at least calorie wise. Well it was nasty so I threw in file 13 & headed down the hall to the food court. Steak escape was calling my name, but I only ate 1/2 my sandwich & 1/2 the fries which were a small, along with my diet green tea to go with it. Then I got home and headed directly out the door to Jakob's Boy Scout dinner, where I ate a small salad & 1 decent size cookie. After that we headed down to Chili Willis' to hear my dad play! Needless to say I had 1 margarita & 1/2 a small Cadillac nachos. Believe me it could have been a 1000 times worse. So I'll have to say tomorrow I'm going to eat perfect & get in a few miles at the gym. I haven't been in a week for snow & sick kids. I'm getting back on track this week. I've splurged the past few days & it's gotta stop now. BUT for the record I have not had Starbucks in 5 days!!! That's good for me!!! ;) Overall day... horrible food( health wise), yummy greasy food, my mood was great bc I was eating all the things I'm not supposed to.!

Thursday 2/18/10 Food Diary

3/4 cup golden grahams calories 160 WWpts. 3
green tea calories 0 WWpts 0
turkey Lean Cuisine calories 290 WWpts 6
Fiber bar calories 150 WWpts. 3
Juice 1 cup calories 40 WWpts. 1
Bar calories 100 WWpts. 2
1 piece Chicken calories 220 WWpts. 5
2/3 cup peas (steamed) calories 70 WWpts. 1
M&M's calories 250 WWpts. 6
3 Waters

Total 1280 27

Wow VERY BAD DAY!! I normally try to stay under 1000 calories & 20 points. Those M&M's were a total splurge. I should have skipped them and the extra granola bar.

I'll do better tomorrow...

" I believe in MANICURES. I believe in PRIMPING at leisure and wearing LIPSTICK.
I believe in PINK. I believe LAUGHING is the best calorie burner.
I believe in KISSING, Kissing a lot.
I believe in being STRONG when everything seems to be going wrong.
I believe happy GIRLS are the prettiest girls.
I believe TOMORROW is another day and I believe in MIRACLES. "
~ Audrey Hepburn

My Journey with... Eating, Will Power. Boredom.

So, I want to say since January 1, 2010 I have been trying & battling my weight, but in reality I've been battling my weight issues since 2002. I've never been fat or really overweight at all. Since Ben & I have been together I have gotten comfortable. 30 lbs comfortable & I've been disgusted with myself the entire way. I've been underweight most of my life. Always the skinny one. At one point my stepsister even told everyone I was anorexic, which for the record I've NEVER been. I've always over eaten. I've found that I eat for a variety of reasons. I'm very much an emotional eater. You name it HAPPINESS, SADNESS, BOREDMON, STRESSED.... I eat & sometimes I eat because I'm actually hungry. Sometimes I eat because it's just there, in front of my face. It's something that makes me happy for the moment & then 20 minutes later I feel like GROSS & GUILTY, so instead of stopping eating & doing something more productive, what do I do ? I got eat more. It's a non ending circle in my world. LOL

So what I've decided to do is write everything I eat down & online. Since Jan 1, I've lost 10 solid pounds. I started out at ....5 foot 5 inches & 150 lbs. as of this morning I was at 136 lbs. NAKED.
My weight loss goal is 125 lbs. I figure if I'm writing it down for the world to see I might stay motivated.


The past 2 weeks I've not been so great with my eating. I've slacked by not eating as healthy as I had been, so today I'm getting back on track. My next goal for myself is to be 130 lbs by March 31. That's basically a month from now. I'm not trying to lose the weight fast, NO DIET PILLS, but with healthy foods and exercise. I tried Weight watchers a few years ago with my mom & I lost about 15 lbs total, about 6 weeks into us doing that, my brother & his wife(then gf) had a horrible car accident. Needless to say my mom & I stayed at the hospital a lot, & I fell off the diet & stopped going to meetings. Why??? Because I am an emotional eater. Enough said.
I put the 15 lbs back on and have stayed steady at 150lbs. Well not anymore.

I'm going to document everything I eat, the reasons, the emotions & what I have do for exercise at the end of the day before I go to bed.
Hopefully with my friends & family reading & following it will help me to stay motivated. :)